Posts Tagged ‘Schooner Wharf’

The Minimal Regatta 2010

Our first Minimal Regatta!

We’d missed it last year as it’d happened just before we moved to Key West from Orlando. That brings me to an off-topic topic.. this weekend marks the anniversary of Christina’s arrival in Key West! Next weekend will by mine. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! I guess there’s no turning back now!

Anyway, the Minimal Regatta is an annual event put on by Schooner Wharf Bar in which contestants are given a sheet of plywood, two 2×4′s, a box of screws, and a roll of duct tape. With these ‘minimal’ materials, they build a boat to race in the regatta. Well to be more accurate, try to race. A lot of them sink.. which is where all the fun is!

I didn’t really know quite what to expect, I’d heard stories and seen some of the wining boats hanging in the rafters at Schooners, but any time you have a bunch of people dressed in costumes drinking you’re bound to have a good time, so sign me up!

My friend Eric (who drove all the way back to Key West from North Carolina for the event) built two boats; one for him and one for his wife Kelly. They were essentially the same but for the paint job. Hers had big pink hearts on it, his was just plain silver.

Event Day!

I had agreed to be on eric’s ‘crew’ for the event. I’m not sure what this really entailed, because they say you can have up to a 6 person crew, but really you only need one person to help you get the boat in and out of the water, and they sho’d people off the docks so fast you’d be hampered by a large crew anyways.

Eric had told me he’d be calling at 8:30 the morning of the event so we could go down and set up our tent in a good spot behind Schooner’s. When the phone rang that morning (after I might add, a long night of entertaining out-of-town guests) it was 7:00. Curse you Eric!

Well, I was up at that point so what the hell. He came by and picked me up and we went down to the marina. It was already hot and we were sweating profusely and it wasn’t even 8:00 yet! (in all honesty this could have been alcohol sweats) We finished setting up the tent and I had Eric drop me home so I could perhaps cop a few more Z’s before we had to meet for breakfast at 11:00. Ug.. never enough time on the day for sleep!

We hit Harpoon Harry’s for brunch at noon and did some carbo-loading for the big day of drinking and frolicking. The food was great, the service.. not so much. Our waitress seemed really put out that we were there taking up her time. I won’t let that keep me from going back though, the food is really good.

After brunch we  made our way to the party tent to begin the day. I’d been told that the two hottest days in Key West are the Minimal Regatta and the Battle of the Bars. I was skeptical.. the weather had been warm lately, but not too terrible, so I didn’t think it’d be all that bad. Well. I was wrong.

Key West had a record high that day, and it was like standing in an oven set to maximum broil on those docks! To make matters worse, the last time I’d seen the docks that crowded was new years eve. I’m surprised they didn’t collapse into the marina with all that weight on them. I found myself  secretly wishing for this because at least I’d be in the water if that happened.

To be honest I missed much of the races because of the oppressive heat and crowd on the docks. I only went out and watched when Eric or Kelly were racing. I’m not much for large crowds of people.. especially when its ridiculously hot. Also we had quite a crowd of folks at our party tent and we were having a grand time of our own back there away from the masses. Surprisingly it actually seemed 10 degrees cooler behind the building. It could have been the effect of the coolers full of ice and sweet-sweet vodka there.

Kelly actually won her first heat, Eric wasn’t so lucky. His boat sank as soon as the start horn sounded. Good times! So since Kelly won a heat it meant she had to race again. She didn’t feel like her arms were up to it, so she found a stand-in to race for her in the second heat. Her stand-in  however was not possessed of the same competitor’s mettle, and failed to even finish the entire course.

On to Dante’s!

When you’ve been out in the heat all day drinking, there’s only one thing to do! Walk down the docks and go to Dante’s for a swim! Well… everyone else at the event had had the same idea and the place was jam-packed. The pool water was a bit dubious as well, so we opted for just a few drinks before departing. Christina and I went home, passed out in the AC for a couple hours, then dragged our weary arses out of bed to meet up with our out-of-town guests for dinner at Jack Flats.

It was a very long day. Hot and long. But it was an absolute blast, and I wouldn’t have missed it!

Here’s a few photos for your perusal:

MinReg2010 (27 photos)
30 May 2010

Note: To see the pictures in the original Picasa album, click here

Magic Frank’s Birthday and Anniversary Party

A rare shot of Frank not mugging for the camera.. oh wait…

Thirteen years ago this past Saturday, a magical thing happened in Key West. Frank Everhart Jr. had a birthday, and for his birthday he wanted just one thing… a Magic Bar. The universe looked down upon Key West that fateful May the 15th and decided that a little magic was just what Key West needed, so with a little help from the good folks at Schooner Wharf, it came to pass that Frank’s Magic Bar was born.

For me it all started way back when…

I met Frank for the first time in 2009 when I was looking for something to get involved with during Fantasy Fest. I had recently moved to Key West and was unemployed and bored silly. I think it was sometime in July when I was searching the internet for events that I might get involved in to make use of my long history of Halloween decorating and party throwing. I stumbled across the link to the Haunting of Fort Zachary Taylor and though to myself.. HEY, this is IT! Perfect!

I sent an email to the volunteer link saying that I was looking to get in on some Halloween fun, and could they perhaps use some help? I got an email back from this guy Frank Everhart that said: “sure, why don’t you come down to the Magic Bar and we’ll talk about it”.

Magic bar? I must confess.. at this point I was beginning to wonder just what I’d gotten myself into. I’d been to Schooner Wharf many times, and in fact counted it as one of my favorite places in Key West, but I’d never seen any Magic Bar there. On top of that, I was into the gruesome horror-movie type Halloween decorations, not some namby-pamby kids-magic-cupcakes-and-juice-boxes Halloween crap. It’s a testament to how seriously bored and antsy I was at that point in my life, that against all of my better judgement, I put my trepidations behind me, and trekked down to the Magic Bar to see just what I’d stepped in.

And down the rabbit hole I went.

I stepped into Franks world that fateful summer, and I haven’t quite been the same since. I had an absolute blast working on the Haunted Fort (posts about that here), and I made a fantastic friend in the process. Frank is one of the most genuine people you will ever meet. He’s a true entertainer, and basically just a big wide-eyed child trapped in a tall lanky body. Frank is like that proverbial kid in the candy shop, except that his candy shop is Key West. He works hard, plays hard, and is forever looking for ways to raise money for charities and help folks have a good time.

Frank kind of took me under his wing that summer and made sure to drag me out of the house when I was wallowing in the unemployment blues. He showed me around, introduced me to a huge number of people, made me talk on the phone to Gunnar “Leatherface” Hansen, introduced me to the ring toss game, got me drunk a lot (and always offered to pay), and just generally made me feel welcome in my new city. Oh yeah, he also ran my ass ragged working on the haunted fort! Frank, I love you man, I can’t thank you enough for everything!

I’ve waffled back and forth in the past year since meeting Frank about wether I should write about him in this blog or not because I’m always leery of crossing some line of personal exposure on the ‘net with my friends. I signed on for living my foibles and follies through this blog for (hopefully) people’s amusement, but the people around me didn’t, and I don’t really want anyone feeling uncomfortable because I’m writing about them.

But then I just decided.. fuck it. Frank is a pretty public figure, and it’s not like I’m telling everyone he sleeps nude in a coffin or anything, so whatever. Damn, I’m rambling off course again. Anyways..

The birthday/anniversary party was a smashing success

There were roving clowns blowing up balloons and making roses for the ladies, there was a fantastic show on stage by the great Levent, there was cake, there were cupcakes, there was magic, there was drunken mayhem.. there were dogs and cats… living together!.. MASS HYSTERIA!!

What more could you want? What? A famous musician?  Well, just when I thought it couldn’t get any more awesome, I turned around and who was sitting at the Magic Bar? Clarance Clemons! Woah! How cool is that? I tried a couple of times to get a good photo of Frank with Clarence, but so many people were milling around trying to get photos too, that I just decided to not be part of the paparazzi and let the man eat his chicken wings in relative peace.

Around 11:00 Christina and I began wearing down. It had been a long day; we’d met up with Frank for brunch at Dante’s at 10:30, and of course, what’s brunch without bloody mary’s and an icepick or two.. maybe a Jaeger shot.. what the fuck… We left dante’s around noon sometime and went to a going away BBQ in new town for a Navy friend, then went straight down to Schooner’s from there. Phew.. it was time to pack it in. I don’t wanna suggest that I’m getting old, but, you know..

So we left Frank to his party and dragged ass home only to learn the next morning that just as soon as we walked out Clarence took to the stage and finished out the night playing with the band! ARGH! Of all the times to leave the party early! Curses!

Anyhoo..

Frank, here’s to many more Happy Birthdays, and many more Magic Bar anniversaries! I don’t know what Key West would be like without you. Cheers my friend!

Wayne, Aunt Ruth, Mamma Frank, Frank, and Evelina	The most awesome Levent

Ummmm.. lots of people.	Frank talking to Clarence Clemons

UPDATE: Here’s a photo of Frank with Clarence that I HiJacked off of the Schooner Wharf FB Page. I hope they don’t sue me.

From left to right: Clarence Clemons, Unknown HAWT girl, Frank Everhart Jr., Evalina Worthington, and Paul Worthington. Rock on you guys..

Conch Republic Bloody Battle!

Well all I have to say about this is you get an A for effort Bloody Battle People whoever you are.

But I have to admit that after all the buildup I’d heard about this event, I was expecting something that didn’t exactly land on the ground and just lie there twitching. Apparently the powers-that-be banned the use of tomatoes and bread in the fray, leaving a rather unimpressive and half-hearted battle. The toilet paper rolls streaming out of the planes overhead were a nice touch I thought, and were by far the more entertaining of the battles high points. But seriously, what’s a Conch Republic revolution without the throwing of the loaf of Cuban bread? I mean, COME ON!

I have nothing to base a comparison on, but friends who have seen this event (and even participated) in previous years, tell me that it’s nothing like it used to be, and some even suggested that the Conch Republic secede all over again so we can derail the power-hungry elite who robbed this event of it’s color and zest! Hey, who am I to stand in the way of revolution.. bring it on!

That being said, we had a good time watching the battle despite it’s lackluster performance, and we followed the crowd to Schooner Wharf afterwards for the official surrender on stage.

Here’s a few photos for your perusal..

BloodyBattle2010 (12 photos)
23 April 2010

Note: To see the pictures in the original Picasa album, click here

Key West during the holidays… who knew?

Woah.

It’s the week between Christmas and New Years Eve here in lovely Key West, and all I can say is WOW.. I have NEVER seen so many people here. Fantasy Fest was pretty crazy, but the vast majority of those people came out at night to crowd the streets and bump nakedly against one another with the relative anonymity of darkness.

The Christmas holiday travelers are swarming the streets in broad daylight; mothers dragging slack-eyed, Nintendo gazing  children around by the arms, huffing and puffing to get down the street to that next big tourist destination on their travel map, while the fathers lag a few yards behind, beer in hand wishing to themselves drunkenly as they stagger through the crowd that they were here without the family.

Duval Street is packed!

It looks like a Disney theme park out there. But I do have to admit that I find it pretty cool that 90% of the people I walk by aren’t speaking english, or even spanish.. the foreign folks are here in droves man, and they aren’t leaving without their T-shirt! It’s funny to me, and probably just because it’s new to me, but the family vacation dynamic seems to be the same for every culture; Dad just wants to plant it somewhere with a hot waitress and drink. Mom wants to see the lighthouse, Hemingway’s house, the little White House, the aquarium, the shipwreck museum, the secret garden, etc, etc, etc, and all before dinner at that Italian restaurant Frommer’s said was so good. And the kids just want to play video games in the hotel room. You gotta love it! The Key West motto is One Human Family, and this holiday season I’m seeing it in person, we truly are all the same.

Even my street a block over from Duval (which is typically pretty quiet during all the festivals and such) is clogged with more scooters, bicycles, and pedestrians than usual. Finding a parking space on the street is near impossible this week as thousands of rental cars driven by people who are most likely not only a bit tipsy, but more accustomed to driving on the other side of the road vie for open spots as close to Duval as they can get.

I lie in bed at night and hear raucous groups of drunks yelling and whooping it up as they walk from the bars back to their hotels and B&B’s at 4 A.M… something that even during Fantasy Fest and the Poker Run I didn’t hear much of. Sirens are wailing until all hours of the night; they seem to go on forever.. how is that possible? The island’s only a couple miles wide! Are they driving in circles??

Is it possible that Christmas holiday travelers are more unruly than Fantasy Fest goers? That certainly seems to be the case, although I never would have guessed in a million years. I can only assume that it will get worse as we creep closer to New Years Eve.

Christina’s brother Josh is coming Wednesday to stay through the weekend, so we’ll be doing our part to help crowd the streets Thursday night. Schooner Wharf Bar is having it’s ‘Wench Drop” at midnight. They drop a wench (A live one) from the mast of the schooner Wolf which is moored right next to the bar. I think we’ve decided that’s our midnight destination this year. There are other ‘drop ‘ celebrations happening at various bars on Duval, like the drag queen in the big red shoe, but I think we’re going to try to avoid some of the crazy tourists and stay close to the local’s haunt.

I’ll be sure and post some photos!

Mike