Posts tagged "key west"

Fantasy Fest 2010: A Marathon of Madness

It’s A Tough Job,But Someone Has to Look At All Those BOOBS..

I mean really.. if it wasn’t going to be me, who would have stood up and taken the reins to appreciate a week of the saggiest, scariest naked people from all over the world, all collected in one place and covered in paint, stale beer, and beads? I sacrificed myself on the altar of freedom of expression and the fundamental concept of the right to bear boobies so that I could bring you a few blurry, rum-soaked photos of this seminal event.

Last year if you recall, I missed the last couple nights of Fantasy Fest because I had to be in Orlando for a wedding that weekend. Well I decided nothing was gonna keep me from it this year. In fact, I even got in the parade so I could get the view from the other side of the fences.

We had quite a house full of guests on top of everything else.

Thursday My friends Alex and his brother Omar came in on the ferry from Fort Myers. I met them at the dock and we walked past Dante’s where the stripper-in-the-pool contest was just beginning to ramp up. It took everything we had to not go in right then, but we managed to skate out with just a roadie for the long 4 or 5 block walk to my apartment to drop off their bags. Shortly after we got back Christina’s brother Josh and 3 of his friends showed up from Central Florida with all of their bags and other impedimenta. All right!! So far 6 house guests! It’s gonna be a party!

Omar	Josh gets a lap dance	Moose and the Float Crew

We all mixed a couple of cocktails and walked back down to Dante’s where we met up with some other friends from Orlando (who were thankfully not staying with us). The place was already wall to wall half-nekkid people – in and out of the pool. Geeks with cameras skulked in the corners furiously snapping with their digital cameras to get every last nipple they could. I took a few photos myself, but my lens is pretty wide angle (12mm) so my photos are more of the grand spectacle variety. I did however, have a bunch of horned-up guys with me armed with cameras, and they weren’t afraid to actually get IN the pool to get photos, so if you really want to have your hair blown back, check out the pictures on Picasa here.

After Dante’s it’s all one large blur of street parties, drag shows, and parades. Friday my friend Kris and his then-fiance (now wife) showed up for the weekend, and stayed with us that night bringing the total of house-guests to 8! (They got a hotel for the rest of their stay).

I’d give a blow-by-blow of the entire madness, but it would be unnecessarily byzantine, and really.. who cares. You’re just here to look at the boobs right? I will say that actually being IN the parade was an amazingly surreal experience. It took probably 4 hours to walk the entire route, and my feet were killing me! But it’s an experience I wouldn’t trade. I missed out on getting lots of photos of the individual floats, but I think in return I got lots of great photos of the people, and that’s really the better part of the trip.

I’ve broken the photos up into 4 albums:

Dante’s Pool Party (Thursday)
Thursday Night (Out on the streets, and the drag show)
Friday (Local’s Parade, a bit out and about at night)
Saturday (In the parade)

I’ve pared the massive amount of images down to about a third of what I have for these albums. These are photos from my camera as well as my friends cameras, so invariably there was a lot of duplication. I hope I got all the blurry, boring, or duplicate photos out of there, but if not.. eh.. life goes on. Be warned however, there is a lot of nudity in there, if you are in any way easily offended by nipples, don’t look.

All in all a fantastic week-long event. Everyone gets along, there are people dancing in the streets, and lots of good drinks and food. I’ve never been to Mardi Gras, but I’m pretty sure Key West gives New Orleans a run for their money with this one…

Cheers!
M

The Minimal Regatta 2010

Our first Minimal Regatta!

We’d missed it last year as it’d happened just before we moved to Key West from Orlando. That brings me to an off-topic topic.. this weekend marks the anniversary of Christina’s arrival in Key West! Next weekend will by mine. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! I guess there’s no turning back now!

Anyway, the Minimal Regatta is an annual event put on by Schooner Wharf Bar in which contestants are given a sheet of plywood, two 2×4′s, a box of screws, and a roll of duct tape. With these ‘minimal’ materials, they build a boat to race in the regatta. Well to be more accurate, try to race. A lot of them sink.. which is where all the fun is!

I didn’t really know quite what to expect, I’d heard stories and seen some of the wining boats hanging in the rafters at Schooners, but any time you have a bunch of people dressed in costumes drinking you’re bound to have a good time, so sign me up!

My friend Eric (who drove all the way back to Key West from North Carolina for the event) built two boats; one for him and one for his wife Kelly. They were essentially the same but for the paint job. Hers had big pink hearts on it, his was just plain silver.

Event Day!

I had agreed to be on eric’s ‘crew’ for the event. I’m not sure what this really entailed, because they say you can have up to a 6 person crew, but really you only need one person to help you get the boat in and out of the water, and they sho’d people off the docks so fast you’d be hampered by a large crew anyways.

Eric had told me he’d be calling at 8:30 the morning of the event so we could go down and set up our tent in a good spot behind Schooner’s. When the phone rang that morning (after I might add, a long night of entertaining out-of-town guests) it was 7:00. Curse you Eric!

Well, I was up at that point so what the hell. He came by and picked me up and we went down to the marina. It was already hot and we were sweating profusely and it wasn’t even 8:00 yet! (in all honesty this could have been alcohol sweats) We finished setting up the tent and I had Eric drop me home so I could perhaps cop a few more Z’s before we had to meet for breakfast at 11:00. Ug.. never enough time on the day for sleep!

We hit Harpoon Harry’s for brunch at noon and did some carbo-loading for the big day of drinking and frolicking. The food was great, the service.. not so much. Our waitress seemed really put out that we were there taking up her time. I won’t let that keep me from going back though, the food is really good.

After brunch we  made our way to the party tent to begin the day. I’d been told that the two hottest days in Key West are the Minimal Regatta and the Battle of the Bars. I was skeptical.. the weather had been warm lately, but not too terrible, so I didn’t think it’d be all that bad. Well. I was wrong.

Key West had a record high that day, and it was like standing in an oven set to maximum broil on those docks! To make matters worse, the last time I’d seen the docks that crowded was new years eve. I’m surprised they didn’t collapse into the marina with all that weight on them. I found myself  secretly wishing for this because at least I’d be in the water if that happened.

To be honest I missed much of the races because of the oppressive heat and crowd on the docks. I only went out and watched when Eric or Kelly were racing. I’m not much for large crowds of people.. especially when its ridiculously hot. Also we had quite a crowd of folks at our party tent and we were having a grand time of our own back there away from the masses. Surprisingly it actually seemed 10 degrees cooler behind the building. It could have been the effect of the coolers full of ice and sweet-sweet vodka there.

Kelly actually won her first heat, Eric wasn’t so lucky. His boat sank as soon as the start horn sounded. Good times! So since Kelly won a heat it meant she had to race again. She didn’t feel like her arms were up to it, so she found a stand-in to race for her in the second heat. Her stand-in  however was not possessed of the same competitor’s mettle, and failed to even finish the entire course.

On to Dante’s!

When you’ve been out in the heat all day drinking, there’s only one thing to do! Walk down the docks and go to Dante’s for a swim! Well… everyone else at the event had had the same idea and the place was jam-packed. The pool water was a bit dubious as well, so we opted for just a few drinks before departing. Christina and I went home, passed out in the AC for a couple hours, then dragged our weary arses out of bed to meet up with our out-of-town guests for dinner at Jack Flats.

It was a very long day. Hot and long. But it was an absolute blast, and I wouldn’t have missed it!

Here’s a few photos for your perusal:

MinReg2010 (27 photos)
30 May 2010

Note: To see the pictures in the original Picasa album, click here

Parting is Such Sweet… Wait, DRINK!

Since moving to Key West almost a year ago we’ve encountered many wonderfully cool and eclectic people. Some of which we’ve become fast friends with, some we’re holding at arm’s length! In the fast friends category some are in the Coast Guard, and as such are at risk of being re-stationed. Three of those Coast Guard friends are leaving the island this month for greener pastures.

I’ve never been one for big goodbyes, because I do believe good friends will always be just that, and distance can’t take that friendship away. And hey, this is the digital age, I communicate online with people more than I do face to face anyways. That being said, Eric, Danny, and John.. I will miss you guys! I’m sure you’ll be back to visit sooooon.

With that I’m going to leave you with a few of photos.

This one is of Danny jumping into the Key West Bight the evening of his going away party at Dante’s. He had a choice of either getting thrown into the pool or the bight. He chose the high road and decided to thrown himself into the bight for our amusement. Danny was always ready to amuse the crowd by snorting hot mustard or pouring lime juice into his eyes. Danny.. I didn’t know you well, but you made me laugh, and the huge group of loyal friends you have here speaks volumes about your character. Go in peace brother!

And where would I be in Key West right now without Eric (Below). I met Eric while working on the Haunted Fort and he immediately welcomed Christina and I into his circle of friends and made us feel at home. Most of the people I know and count as friends right now are such because of my friendship with Eric. His graciousness and hospitality are unequalled, and he knows exactly when to escalate a bad situation with a carefully placed plate of mustard, ninja-style. Dude, I’m going to miss you most of all.. well, I’m going to miss your courtyard pool, your smoker, and your Porktoberfest parties, but I’ll miss you too! SNIF! Have fun in Georgia!

I promise to keep Key West warm for you!

Conch Republic Independence Parade!

Last night was the annual Conch Republic Independence Parade, one of the many activities this week celebrating the secession of the Conch Republic from the United States 28 years ago.

Christina and I met up with our friend Eric and his wife Kelly at their place right off of Duval, grabbed a couple of chairs from around the pool and parked ourselves on the sidewalk with some frosty adult beverages.

In true Key West fashion, the parade started about an hour late, but it was a grand good time. Key West certainly loves it’s parades, and this was no exception. You gotta love a parade where people just join in and walk carrying their coolers and beers with them.

I love this city!

CRParade (38 photos)
22 April 2010

Note: To see the pictures in the original Picasa album, click here

Spring has Sprung! WOO HOO!

Ahhhhhhhhh!

It’s officially Spring here in Key West.. my first of many! The flowers are quite literally exploding all over Old Town. We’ve been walking in the evenings, and the smells we encounter are strong enough to knock you down. It’s really beautiful. Walking through Old Town Key West at dusk with a roadie during the spring has got to be one of the finest experiences out there. I highly recommend you try it whenever possible!

The weather is finally warming up after that cold-assed winter we had, and I’m beginning to think seriously about my beach hammock again.. Fort Zach, here we come!

WOO HOO!

Well, the spring breakers have finally abandoned the city, taking with them the late night WOO HOO!’s and the ever-so-popular drunken arguments between lovers that seems to be so prevalent in Key West’s nether-hours. The bars here don’t close until 4 AM, and when you add to that the gestalt idiocy of thousands of drunk college kids, you’re gonna get some anarchy!

The weather has been nice, so we’ve been leaving the windows open at night… this is great because it makes for nice sleeping, but…. being a block from one of the biggest party streets in the US during spring break, we definitely heard the party.

The nights typically started off quiet enough. I hit the sack around midnight most nights, so I’d slip into bed, pull out the kindle and start reading at just about the time things were ramping up on Duval. By about two AM I could hear the madness reaching a fever pitch.

There’s a phenomenon that happens when the alcohol intake of a crowd has reached it’s tipping point… especially for college kids on vacation; I call it the WOO HOO Phenomenon. They start high fiving and WHOO HO!’ing at EVERYTHING. It’s like drunken sign language.. they can’t speak very well anymore so they start howling at each other. I suppose it could also be a drunken mating call. Heck, it’s an all purpose exclamation!

“I’m Druuuuuunk! WOO HOO!”
“ME TOO! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!”
“Hey dude, I just threw up! Gnarly!”
“WOO HOO!”
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

At this point it’s spreads like wild fire, the drunk co-ed across the street hears the WOO HOO, and even though she has no idea what it’s about, she responds “WOO HOO!” as she stumbles into a lamp pole and drops the phone she was texting her BFF on into a pile of bum vomit in the gutter. Someone else hears her and WOO HOO’s in response. This chain reaction continues until the entire street full of drunk retards is WOO HOOing.. at what, they don’t know.. most people I think, are probably hoping it’s because someone saw a titty.

And Then…

The WOOOOO!’s and the WOO HOO!’s continue on through the couple hours between 2 AM and 4 AM. At 4 the bars finally kick people out, and the WOO HOO!’s start to become fewer and farther between; you hear them echoing off into the night as the mob disperses, until finally the only sounds left are the dulcet tones of drunk women arguing with their boyfriends.

Now, this is an interesting thing. I would think that the drunker of the two drunken arguers would be equally divided between men and women, but I swear I have never heard an argument between a guy and his girl where HE was the drunker one. And I hear A LOT of late night drunk-stumbling arguments going down the sidewalk. A LOT.

Without fail, it is the woman who is blind stinking drunk, mumbling about how he was talking to another girl, or he was drinking too much, or they don’t spend enough time together.. blah blah blah.. the content isn’t important, it’s the dynamic that interests me.

She’s usually yelling.. or trying to. She’s stopping every few steps and turning to walk away pumping her fists up and down, dropping shit, and/or just plain falling down. The guy without fail follows her, holds her up, holds her hair while she pukes, picks up her dropped items, holds her purse, and just generally tries to calm her down and get her to stop screaming while he ushers her back to whatever hotel they’re staying at so he can pour her into bed and just end the madness.

I’ve actually encountered this phenomenon personally. Christina and I vacationed down here probably 4 or 5 times over the years before moving here. Without fail we got into an argument in the middle of the night. And Christina, I love you.. but… well you get the gist. And we NEVER argue. There must be some special Key West argue pheromone or something. We’ve taken to just calling it ‘Key West Drunk’.

That being said, since moving here we’re back to our normal non-arguing life. I really can’t explain the drunk-chick-argument thing in KW. But it does makes for some super-entertaining porch sitting!