Normalcy Creeps Back Into My Life

It’s been a while, I’ve been busy

Well, Spring is almost here in Key West and as far as I’m concerned, not a moment too soon. After one of the coldest winters in Key West history (right after I move here I might add.. grrrr), I’m ready to begin the tropical phase of my life.

I’m coming up on one year in Key West this June, and as I look back on the last nine months since moving here, I can still say with all certainty that I’ve definitely made the right choice.

I finally managed to secure employment after a gruesome 7 months of looking. It’s a great job doing computer graphics and color correction for a local photographer at his gallery. Right up my alley! I was completely convinced there near the end that I was going to have to get a job at Pizza Hut or McDonalds! I even applied at Home Depot, hey.. I’m a handy guy, I could certainly sell tools to people. I never heard back from them though, so I guess they didn’t share my optimism.

I’m not sure if the lack of good jobs in key west is due to the nature of the city, or the economy, or a combination of the two, but let me tell you, I was having some anxiety there near the end that Key West might spit me back out. I had read the “Quit your Job and Move to Key West” book (After I moved here, I might add), and there was an entire chapter on the realities of trying to live and work on the island. They stated quite clearly that Key West chooses the people it wants to live here, and jettisons the rest.. I laughed when I read that, but now I’m a believer. Thank you Cayo Hueso for letting me stay! I see a long and delightful future in the cards for us.

Where does the time go?

One of the largest differences in my life after finally getting a job, is the loss of all the FREE TIME! I mean, I’d worked full time for my entire life up until a couple years ago when I was laid off, and I always seemed to be able to get the things done on the weekends that I needed to. I never really felt like I was missing anything.

Now I feel like life is screaming by me, and all I’m doing is workin’ for the man again! It’s disturbing, and as much as I love having a job and making money again, I lament the time I had to sit around and gather my direction at my leisure.

I’ve labeled this phenomenon the ‘time slip’ (Not to be confused with the Time Warp, there’s no jumping to the left in the time slip). It’s the creeping feeling that you get in your gut when, after a period of enlightenment and personal growth, you start to realize how precious your life and personal happiness really are. How much your time is REALLY worth.

I felt the Time Slip strongly for the first time when I went to the Virgin Islands to stay on Water Island at a friends house for a week about four years ago. It didn’t hit until I got back to my life in Orlando, and returned to my soul-sucking corporate job. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but I knew that I’d been altered somehow, and my life in the city, and the corporate job that supported it, just weren’t cutting it anymore. Not by a long shot.

The feeling passed after a while, as I slipped back into the matrix and resumed my daily grind making other people rich. But the feeling sat in the pit of my stomach, just a small flicker of a flame, refusing to be put out.

Personal Expression

Now, maybe I’m just a conflicted person. Maybe I want it all. Maybe I’m being unrealistic, or maybe I just haven’t yet found my ultimate stride in life. But working for someone else again reminds me just how strong my desire to be self sufficient really is. Don’t get me wrong, I love this job, there’s no corporate BS, no staff meetings, it’s just me and a couple other folks. My boss is a super nice guy. But still I’m stressed out about it. Is it the work? Most certainly not, it’s a very easy and casual job, so that leads me to believe that what stresses me out about it is the lack of personal expression involved in working for other people.

I’m guessing that across the gamut of the types of people out there, from artist to construction worker to corporate number cruncher, that everyone has a different needs when it comes to personal expression. Some people are completely happy in a corporate job working for the man. They find their personal expression in the daily minutiae of how they do their jobs, or perhaps the have hobbies on the weekends that fulfill their needs. Maybe they have no desire for personal expression at all and spend their weekends playing golf. Who knows. But I’m convinced that these people have not yet, or perhaps never will experience the time slip. Is there anything wrong with that? I don’t know. I certainly can’t speak for the rest of the world, but it’s no good for me!

I crave personal expression like air itself. I need to build… to create.. to live my days immersed in stimulating, thought provoking, beautiful surroundings. I’m just not happy without that. I tried for years to find happiness in money and stability. Hey, you look around you when you’re growing up at the people who seem happy, and you follow their lead. I mean, it worked for them right? Hmm. Don’t think so.

My Friend Eric told me about his theory that society needs to go back to the barter system and people need to learn trades. He holds that today’s society is unbalanced because no one actually knows how to do anything anymore. Most people can’t even change a tire, let alone grow food, or build furniture.

I have to say, that when I think about it, it makes some sort of sense. At least to me.

So anyways

I’m rattling off course here. My point is that holding a job again has brought me to the realization that happiness (at least for me) involves self sufficiency and personal expression on a grand scale. I need to build, create, make people think.

I guess I’ve always known that what would really make me happiest would be to make a living creating art for myself in some fashion. I’ve dabbled with writing a novel, painting, photography, sculpture.. you name it, I’ve probably tried it. I think my next big step in life is to focus on developing a plan to reach financial independence. I’ve decided that working for someone else, even if not an unpleasant experience in and of itself, is a dead end street when you look at it closely.

Besides, how can I cruise into the sunset on my sailboat and disappear into the Caribbean if I have to be back to work on monday?