Key West Events

Lobster Fest 2010

Well who doesn’t love lobster?

Yummy Yummy Goodness	Beer Tents!! Yay!

It’s hard to believe that the time has come around when I’m blogging about my second annual events. Time flies when you’re having fun! Actually, this was our third Lobster Fest, as we’d been down for one inadvertently before we moved, but I don’t really count that one since we didn’t really plan to be here for it, it just happened by crazy random happenstance.

Im posting these long after the event, and I apologize to all of those that have been losing sleep waiting for this vivid recount of the days events. I seem to have my fingers in too many pies these days, and unfortunately don’t have the energy to post as often as I used to. It’s not that I don’t think about it.. in fact it’s become quite a sore spot for me. ConchTales looms over my head like  curious thundercloud. I can’t tell if it’s just going to blow away or light my ass up with some lightning. A good kick in the ass might help me prioritize.

Oh well, at best my mom is the only one who reads this blog regularly to make sure I’m not living on the streets or selling meth in Bahama Village, so I guess I don’t expect an angry mob of loyal readers to come beating my door down any time soon. Nonetheless, I’m making a commitment to do better. Bike Fest and the Key West Poker Run officially start today, and I plan on going out and getting some great bike shots this year. Maybe some boobies as well for those pervs out there.

Alright, Alright, Back to the Lobster

It just so happened that my son Connor was in town again this year during lobster fest. We packed him up and headed down to Duval to meet up with Moose and narf on some lobster on a stick! Connor was delightfully un-gloomy, as has been his M.O. for the past few years as he slips into his teens, and he actually seemed to enjoy himself a bit as long as we kept him fueled up with a coke every now and again. Kids these days, they run on sugar. Don’t get me started. I guess I’m just as bad, I run on alcohol.

The Flute Dude… creepy.	Connor and Christina He’s actually trying to smile!	A rowdy bunch on ‘The Porch’

There was a pretty good crowd, up a bit from last year if I remember correctly. Duval was closed off and the ubiquitous tents selling painted coconuts, carved wooden airplanes, junk sculpture, and driftwood art were present in abundance. There was even the pan flute dude! I’d heard about this guy before, but had never actually seen him. He stands in his booth and plays flute along with a recording of him playing flute, that you of course can buy so you can take it home and touch yourself to the soothing melodies of flute music. There’s a sick joke in there somewhere. Wow, what a strange sight that was, I’m not sure what freaked me more, a grown man playing a flute, or the music itself. Definitely not Iron Maiden. Zamphir would have been proud.

We made our usual stops on our trek down the street, Sloppies, Shorty’s, Guy Harvies, Etc., grabbing frosty goodness as we went. Moose had a plan to eat no less than 3 full lobster dinners. I saw him devour 2, he may have actually eaten the third when I wasn’t looking.

Christina got some lobster on a stick, but Connor and I were holding out for dinner at Half Shell Raw Bar. It happened to be Christina’s birthday, and we had big plans! Cash flow was a bit tight that month while Connor visited. He’s a teenager so he eats like a grizzly bear readying for hibernation, and I wanted to be able to blow some cash on a decent dinner.  I was gonna get some lobster that wasn’t cooked on a grill on the street, and Connor wanted Crab Legs. We resisted the lure of the street lobster!

At some point the heat really started getting to Connor, so we trekked home and spooned him onto the futon so he could resume his video games, and we headed back out to the fray. We ran into Mamma Frank and the four of us went to try out a new bar called The Porch. Wow! Cool place! I’m going to have to write a little blurb here just for the porch. I think it may be vying for a spot in the top 3 in Mike’s Favorite Bar List. They have a huge selection of fancy-pants beers and an entire wall of wine! PLUS, you get to sit out on the verandah and watch the madness on Duval from the quiet cool of a great southern porch. Totally bitchin’.

Something you won’t see much, a photo of me.	Mamma Frank, Christina, Moose inside at The Porch	View from the Whistle

We ended our Lobster Fest sojourn up at the Whistle Bar (I know.. predictable) and we sat there for an hour or so just people watching. Another great Key West event! I love this city. Home for a short nap, and then out to dinner! Man.. quite a day!

Cheers!
Mike

The Running of the Bulls 2010

Here’s a few photos from this year’s Running of the Bulls during Hemingway Days.

We wandered down Duval around noon on Saturday and made our way to Sloppy Joe’s to meet up with our friends Moose and Danyle. We procured a couple frosty beers and awaited the start of the festivities. If you’re unfamiliar, this is the main event of Hemingway Days, where the current year’s look-alike contestants hop on wheeled saw horses (or saw-bulls if you will) and they “race” around the block being pushed by their teams. Now most of these dudes are pretty up there in years.. grey hair and all, so there really isn’t much actual racing going on.. it’s more like a parade. But who cares, it’s fun, and not a long event, so there’s more time to wander the booths set up on Duval and perhaps feast on a turkey leg if the mood strikes.

After wandering the streets for a bit we were very hot and sweaty, and decided we needed to go to Ft Zach beach and cool off in the ocean. We hopped on our bikes, rode to the park, and hit the surf. And as these things are wont to go, not eating anything all day and drinking more than my fair share of frosty beer on the streets combined, to the amusement of my friends, with the heat to push me right into the passed out and snoring in the hammock phase of the day.  Unfortunately, however I never made it to the hammock, and just lay on the sand where I landed and took myself a little nap. Live and learn! Yeah, maybe someday..

All in all a very fun day!

Oh yeah. I Should have eaten too….	Last year’s Pappa on a stick.

Lots of art and food booths!	In the bullpen, waiting for the run.

The Minimal Regatta 2010

Our first Minimal Regatta!

We’d missed it last year as it’d happened just before we moved to Key West from Orlando. That brings me to an off-topic topic.. this weekend marks the anniversary of Christina’s arrival in Key West! Next weekend will by mine. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! I guess there’s no turning back now!

Anyway, the Minimal Regatta is an annual event put on by Schooner Wharf Bar in which contestants are given a sheet of plywood, two 2×4′s, a box of screws, and a roll of duct tape. With these ‘minimal’ materials, they build a boat to race in the regatta. Well to be more accurate, try to race. A lot of them sink.. which is where all the fun is!

I didn’t really know quite what to expect, I’d heard stories and seen some of the wining boats hanging in the rafters at Schooners, but any time you have a bunch of people dressed in costumes drinking you’re bound to have a good time, so sign me up!

My friend Eric (who drove all the way back to Key West from North Carolina for the event) built two boats; one for him and one for his wife Kelly. They were essentially the same but for the paint job. Hers had big pink hearts on it, his was just plain silver.

Event Day!

I had agreed to be on eric’s ‘crew’ for the event. I’m not sure what this really entailed, because they say you can have up to a 6 person crew, but really you only need one person to help you get the boat in and out of the water, and they sho’d people off the docks so fast you’d be hampered by a large crew anyways.

Eric had told me he’d be calling at 8:30 the morning of the event so we could go down and set up our tent in a good spot behind Schooner’s. When the phone rang that morning (after I might add, a long night of entertaining out-of-town guests) it was 7:00. Curse you Eric!

Well, I was up at that point so what the hell. He came by and picked me up and we went down to the marina. It was already hot and we were sweating profusely and it wasn’t even 8:00 yet! (in all honesty this could have been alcohol sweats) We finished setting up the tent and I had Eric drop me home so I could perhaps cop a few more Z’s before we had to meet for breakfast at 11:00. Ug.. never enough time on the day for sleep!

We hit Harpoon Harry’s for brunch at noon and did some carbo-loading for the big day of drinking and frolicking. The food was great, the service.. not so much. Our waitress seemed really put out that we were there taking up her time. I won’t let that keep me from going back though, the food is really good.

After brunch we  made our way to the party tent to begin the day. I’d been told that the two hottest days in Key West are the Minimal Regatta and the Battle of the Bars. I was skeptical.. the weather had been warm lately, but not too terrible, so I didn’t think it’d be all that bad. Well. I was wrong.

Key West had a record high that day, and it was like standing in an oven set to maximum broil on those docks! To make matters worse, the last time I’d seen the docks that crowded was new years eve. I’m surprised they didn’t collapse into the marina with all that weight on them. I found myself  secretly wishing for this because at least I’d be in the water if that happened.

To be honest I missed much of the races because of the oppressive heat and crowd on the docks. I only went out and watched when Eric or Kelly were racing. I’m not much for large crowds of people.. especially when its ridiculously hot. Also we had quite a crowd of folks at our party tent and we were having a grand time of our own back there away from the masses. Surprisingly it actually seemed 10 degrees cooler behind the building. It could have been the effect of the coolers full of ice and sweet-sweet vodka there.

Kelly actually won her first heat, Eric wasn’t so lucky. His boat sank as soon as the start horn sounded. Good times! So since Kelly won a heat it meant she had to race again. She didn’t feel like her arms were up to it, so she found a stand-in to race for her in the second heat. Her stand-in  however was not possessed of the same competitor’s mettle, and failed to even finish the entire course.

On to Dante’s!

When you’ve been out in the heat all day drinking, there’s only one thing to do! Walk down the docks and go to Dante’s for a swim! Well… everyone else at the event had had the same idea and the place was jam-packed. The pool water was a bit dubious as well, so we opted for just a few drinks before departing. Christina and I went home, passed out in the AC for a couple hours, then dragged our weary arses out of bed to meet up with our out-of-town guests for dinner at Jack Flats.

It was a very long day. Hot and long. But it was an absolute blast, and I wouldn’t have missed it!

Here’s a few photos for your perusal:

MinReg2010 (27 photos)
30 May 2010

Note: To see the pictures in the original Picasa album, click here

The Red Ribbon Bed Race 2010

We ventured out Saturday morning at about 10:00 AM, after dragging our worn-out asses out of bed. Trying desperately to shake off the previous night’s alcoholic indiscretions, we boldly opened the door and walked into the bright morning light of another day in the Conch Republic. There was after all a Conch Crawl to attend!

We walked down to Green street, and met up with a couple friends at the Official Conch Republic Crawl tent on the corner of Duval to buy t-shirts and get our punch cards. Shaking off the last of our trepidation, we steeled our wills and waked across the street to enter the first bar on the crawl, Guy Harvey’s…  Well, first bar for us. This was a different pub crawl than most, as there was no one large group wandering from bar to bar.. you just made your own way in whatever order you liked. Not really what we were expecting, but hey.. we’d bought our t-shirts, and we were going to do our best!

From there we hit Schooner Wharf, 801 Bourbon, and the Bull where we figured it’d be just about time for the bed races to begin.

Turns out the races were running a little late, or we were a little early.. (who can keep track of time around this place?), so we left The Bull and went to Rick’s to get our next bar crawl rum drink. We eventually wound up in front of the Red Garter when the races started.

What fun! I’m definitely building a bed and entering it next year. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it running the 4 blocks down the street though, I may just have to be the eye candy in the bed while I have my star athletic crew push me to victory.

After the races we went to the grand opening party at Ilona’s Garden Cafe on Applerouth Lane right off Duval. We’d been there once before during the last big pub crawl for St. Patty’s day, they were one of the stops on the crawl that day. As before the food was fantastic! It’s a really cool new place, be sure and check it out if you get the chance. They have a really nice outdoor eating area, and a cozy little bar. I’m definitely adding this place to my list of places to eat at soon.

When we were done stuffing our faces with delicious goulash and other fantastic things I don’t even know the names of, we’d decided we just didn’t have the energy to head back to Schooner Wharf for the Pirates Party and Pig Roast. The sun and the booze and the food were all working furiously to bring us down. So what do you do at a time like that? Go see a movie! We went up to new town and spent a couple hours in a dark, cool theater watching ‘Kick Ass’ and snarfing cokes like we had just walked the Gobi.

Even though we missed the Pirates Party, and the subsequent Pig Roast, I really had a great day. I couldn’t have asked for much more. It’s all about good food, good friends, a cool city to wander around in, transvestites pushing beds down the street, topless, sunburnt, fat men sweating and chuffing beer from metal cans, a drunk skank stumbling in front of the racing beds as she tries to fumble open her little can of amyl nitrate for a huff while trying to keep her braless flapjack titties in her shirt and failing… In short, it’s all about Paradise!

I’d like to say I’m not an old fart and can power through these 4 day celebrations Key West is famous for, but I’d be lying. I’m good for about two days of that kind of high activity, then it’s time for a week of down time! That’s OK though, we can’t all be young and spry… or even close. I’ll be on my couch in the fetal position for the next few days, but by the weekend I’ll be good as new. After all I gotta be ready for the next set of fun Key West activities that I’m sure are awaiting us.

I realize that I’d make a horrible news journalist because I just can’t seem to remember all the proper names and such for these events, or bring myself to look them all up. Many of them, if not all of them are for some charity or another, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least try to promote that kind of good behavior. Key West is quite fond of it’s charity events, and I think that’s great! So if you’re interested, check out the official page of the Conch Republic Independence celebration, you’ll find all sorts of good info there.

Here’s some photos from the Parade. Enjoy!

RRBedRace2010 (28 photos)
24 April 2010

Note: To see the pictures in the original Picasa album, click here

Conch Republic Bloody Battle!

Well all I have to say about this is you get an A for effort Bloody Battle People whoever you are.

But I have to admit that after all the buildup I’d heard about this event, I was expecting something that didn’t exactly land on the ground and just lie there twitching. Apparently the powers-that-be banned the use of tomatoes and bread in the fray, leaving a rather unimpressive and half-hearted battle. The toilet paper rolls streaming out of the planes overhead were a nice touch I thought, and were by far the more entertaining of the battles high points. But seriously, what’s a Conch Republic revolution without the throwing of the loaf of Cuban bread? I mean, COME ON!

I have nothing to base a comparison on, but friends who have seen this event (and even participated) in previous years, tell me that it’s nothing like it used to be, and some even suggested that the Conch Republic secede all over again so we can derail the power-hungry elite who robbed this event of it’s color and zest! Hey, who am I to stand in the way of revolution.. bring it on!

That being said, we had a good time watching the battle despite it’s lackluster performance, and we followed the crowd to Schooner Wharf afterwards for the official surrender on stage.

Here’s a few photos for your perusal..

BloodyBattle2010 (12 photos)
23 April 2010

Note: To see the pictures in the original Picasa album, click here